so i'm listening to the jefferson starship's "find your way back." i LOVE this song!! yeah the incarnation of the band as the jefferson airplane were a LOT cooler, but damn greg chaquito's voice is a wonder to hear! anyway it makes me think, what am i trying to find my way back TO? find a way back... find a way back... find YOUR way back. "find your way back to the heart" is the lyric. yeah, that makes sense. find your way back to YOUR heart, find your way back to THE heart. go back, get back, get down. it's all about the rhythm of life, the melodies you hear. i'm pretty much lost in my own world of fantasy, music, dreams, crashing with the hard realities of life. but, i think... i hope... well maybe i can get back, find my way back.
it's not easy.
it's hard.
and i'm not sure just WHERE i'll end up. i'm not a young man anymore, i'm nearing middle age. it seems I should "grow up," but i've never experienced so much of life. i never pursued a lot of the dreams in my mind. i just figured out a way to survive. i'm still pretty much trying to do that. at this current juncture in my life, i've found stability: a steady job going on 3 years now. i got a nice little apartment. i got good clothes, good food. i got public transportation to get me where i need to go. i got the city of Dallas with all the crime, Republicanism, and too many live music venues that i can't go to cuz i don't have the $$. so i'm relatively happy. i got my oldest sister fairly close by, a few friends I see occasionally. and, yes, YES, i'm losing weight!!! i weighed 223 in September, and just yesterday I weighed 205!!! i'm gonna get down to my target weight of 160, darken my hair & get laid a LOT.. lol. well maybe.... well yeah! i'm a good looking guy, it's just i've never been comfortable in my own skin... but that's changing. so maybe I can still get a little wild and then grow up some more.
i miss writing concert & record reviews. i really do. i need to get some stuff sent off to some editors. usually nothing happens, but you gotta keep knocking on doors. i mean look at my friend Beth Garner- works her ass off chasing musical notes, from dallas to austin and now in nashville. work. work. dream about it & then work at it. i would rather dream about it.... lol. it's easier.
so find my way back... keep writing. keep looking to the sky. feel the earth. and try and connect.
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Be as wild as you wanna be, and don't grow up if don't wanna! :D
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