Saturday, December 1, 2007

Emily Sander / Zoey Zane

One more car out on the road there
You might pass on your way home
Someone's sister, someone's wife or
Just some bitch whos probably got no life

-"One More Girl" written by Patti Griffin, as recorded by The Wreckers

I know I said I would be writing on this blog more often, obviously I've slipped a bit. So many things I've wanted to blog about, but just didn't force myself to do it. Well here's a BIG ONE. A MAJOR big one. So here goes.... (breathe deep Dave, breathe & let it out)

I LIKE PORN. *gasp* Yes, I like porn.

Ok, so what? Lots of people like porn. Some people are addicted to it, some people think it's completely stupid and/or immoral.

Some people use it for masturbation, some people use it to stimulate their sexual activities with their mate(s). Some people just like to get stoned/drunk and laugh at it (because, god knows, a lot of it is outright funny).

To say I have had, and to some extent continue to have, a love/hate relationship with porn is an understatement. But I've become more comfortable with it, and telling people I like it. And let's get this out of the way: I like porn with CONSENTING ADULTS- no kids, no animals. That stuff is disgusting, illegal, and abusive. I don't think porn featuring consenting adults is abusive.

Yes, many women (probably all of my sisters) think porn is degrading and exploitive. There are feminists who disagree. There are men who think it's degrading & exploitive. That debate continues. I will stand and take fire for my likes, desires, dreams, and nightmares. So go ahead....

We all must make moral decisions in our lives. We all have our sexual hang-ups and desires. We ARE and WILL BE sexual beings whether we have a mate or not. We think about it, dream about it, detest it, run to and from it, but it's a part of our lives. We make moral decisions about our sexual behaviors based on a myriad of sources.

The above are LARGE debates. They will continue. I can only hope it leads to a more open society about sexuality. Most people are caught between porn valley's (in reference to the San Fernando Valley in California, where probably 75% of the world's porn is made) mantra of "hey, it's cool, everyone is doing it all the time" and the extreme religious/moral point of view that says "sex is dirty, save it until marriage, and ONLY to make babies!" Most people find neither view reflective of their sexual lives nor do they find such blathering helpful.

Porn is a 9 billion (yes billion with a B) dollar-a-year business. It IS a business. There are millions and millions of decent, kind, loving, happy people who like porn.

Maybe you've read about Emily Sander, an 18 year old super cute college student from El Dorado, Kansas. She led a so-called "secret" life as an internet porn star named Zoey Zane. Emily Sander is dead. She is dead, not to walk this earth again. Zoey Zane lives on in pictures and video- though the site is still up, it no longer has her pictures, just information about Emily's murder and a reward for the capture & conviction of her killer. A man named Isreal Mireles is wanted for questioning in her murder. Emily was last seen w/ Mr. Mireles, and his hotel room was spattered with blood. Her body was found 50 miles east of El Dorado. These are the facts. Cold and hard.

You can do a Google search on "Zoey Zane" and find many of her nude pictures and videos. They're all pretty much like Playboy type pictures, with only a few explicit ones. She's not having sex w/ ANYONE in these pictures, mostly just nude. One video features her masturbating with a dildo. Really not much in the "hard core" sense. Most certainly it's VERY tame compared to XXX material.

People can decry her choice of employment, her choice of making money. It's possible she was heading towards a hard core XXX porn career, it's possible she was going to keep things at the level she was at, what she was obviously comfortable with. She made her decision. She did NOTHING illegal. She did NOTHING that killed anyone, maimed anyone, or blew up skyscrapers filled with innocent people. She posed nude, she put her sexual self on display.
Sure, her family might have been emotionally hurt. Her boyfriend broke up with her over her decision. She may have hurt some friends (although none reported being upset by her actions).

There are those who will scorn her for her "whorish behavior." There are those will will say her "lifestyle" choices put her in danger. There are those will say she harmed society by her actions (demeaning all women, demeaning sexuality, etc.). There are those who will say she is damned to hell by God for her sexual "perversions."

There are those who will celebrate her decision to publicly explore her sexuality. There are those who will declare her to be a smart woman due to the fact that she probably made more money doing porn in a week than she could have made working in an office as a low-paid secretary for six months. There are those will simply say "wow, she was so hot, and I got off on her pictures- I"m glad she did it!"

Whatever the case, she's dead. She was murdered. There are those who will say she got what she deserved. I say a loud "FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS" because she DID NOT deserve her fate. NO HUMAN BEING DESERVES TO BE BUTCHERED LIKE A DOG. She may have been turning tricks & Isreal Mireles was a customer. SHE DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE. NO ONE HAD THE RIGHT TO MURDER HER. Can I make this MORE clear? EMILY SANDER, AKA ZOEY ZANE, WAS A HUMAN BEING. SHE DESERVED THE BASIC RESPECT THAT ANY HUMAN BEING DESERVES. Got that straight????

I hurt SO MUCH for this girl, her family, and friends. I feel bad that I looked at her naked pictures (though I was not aroused by them- she sure was cute though!). Are those of us who watch porn & buy the stuff guilty, to some extent, for her fate? I suppose that argument can be made. But we did not kill her. We did not force her to do what she did. She did it, seemed to have fun with it, and got paid. She's dead now.

Whatever you may think of porn, the peformers who make it ARE human beings. They have thoughts, dreams, hurts, desires, feelings. I've been reading two blogs by porn performers. I STRONGLY suggest you read them- you don't have to join the websites to read these blogs. Penny Flame, an absolutely gorgeous & extremely funny porn star, keeps an ongoing blog at Joanna Angel, another funny porn star, keeps a blog at You will read deeply personal blogs of these women's lives, not the publicity bullshit put out by the companies they work for. These blogs will shock you, make you laugh, make you cry, and make you realize just how HARD (no pun intended) these women work in their careers. I suggest you watch the band Rilo Kiley's video for "The Moneymaker." It features three porn stars & the song is simply about the money involved in porn. I saw Rilo Kiley's recent Dallas gig, and they are fantastic! The video features interviews with several other porn stars- watch it at (*warning: there is NO nudity, but there IS explicit language in the interviews)

Lastly I STRONGLY, STRONGLY urge you to go to This is the site for the Adult Industry Healthcare Foundation. They provide HIV and STD testing for the performers, and they do counseling services. They have two videos on the site to watch for people becoming porn performers- these videos do contain some adult images & explicit language but they will simply blow your mind because they talk about performing porn as a BUSINESS and how the performers can take care of themselves. I gave a $30.00 donation to AIM simply because I think the work they're doing is VITAL to keeping the performers I've enjoyed watching alive!

I hurt for Emily Sander, AKA Zoey Zane. I honestly do. I was born & lived my first 9 years in small town Kansas. She had family & friends who loved her. The vast majority of her fans would NEVER, EVER dream of hurting her. She's dead. Say a prayer for her. Do I believe she's damned for eternity? Simply, NO. I don't know where my involvment with porn will go- maybe I'll stop, maybe I'll watch more. All I know is Emily Sander, just like any other porn star, just like any other human being deserved to LIVE. She's dead now. Her life cut short at 18 years. I just hurt so much....



Greg Barton said...

Man, I knew you had a thing for porn. Why do you think I suggested you got a mac? No more porn sire virii. :)

Ben said...

Is that all? From the urgent tone of the email notices you sent out, I was expecting something more ground-shaking.
That said, porn is indeed big business and murder sucks. Regardless of how people live their lives, I wish we'd stop killing each other.

Cindy Elliott said...

Please note that I am one of the sisters that probably wouldn't approve, albeit, I like to think of being David's closest sister friend. It is my belief that porn is a sordid exploitation of an act that was intended to be private, personal, and sacred between a man and a woman.